There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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