she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
