omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize