I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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