sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize