I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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