I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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