I am spending my child support on dildos
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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