...so i touched it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
