In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
