You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
