see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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