I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
