I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
