I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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