For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
