Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
