if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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