i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
