i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How external is "for external use only"?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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