New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
