opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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