My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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