I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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