No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
