Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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