Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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