just come out here and I will go home with you...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
