she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
