Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
