she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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