smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
