your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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