so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
