I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
