I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
