she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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