I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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