I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
