lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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