My liver just broke up with me...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
