so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize