I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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