rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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