Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
