matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There r osticjed everywhere
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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