so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
