Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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