i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
