Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
