Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
