I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
