everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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