Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
