I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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