grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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