I hate all girls vehemently.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
