I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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