Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
