At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
