I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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