The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
