i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's shark week go big or go home
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
