my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize