Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
