i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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