im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
