The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
