If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
