Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize