So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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