I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize