Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
