You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
