are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
