I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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