fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
