We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
