You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
