i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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