if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize