he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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