Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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