1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
