She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
