Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
